sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
