dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
