I just threw up on my dentist
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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