who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
