can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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