Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
