i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
