I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
