I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
