I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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