the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
