she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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