Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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