Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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