Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
