How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i believe in u and ur pee
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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