i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
