You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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