I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
