Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
