Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
