were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
