Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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