I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
