i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
