Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
