I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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