Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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