This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My breasts were aching with rage.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
