trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
