why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
