the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
