I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
