yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
try to milk me bitch
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