I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
