I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
