Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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