Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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