good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
