I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
