Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
