Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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