I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
