I smell stomach acid.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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