It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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