I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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