Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
