Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
