She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
