you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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