I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Drunk is a universal language darling
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